ABOUT THAT SUEDE DRESS

I’d like to say that I have been thinking a lot about world peace recently, but that would be a big fib.  Like so many times before, the ennui, which I’m sad to say defines my life at times, sets me off on the pursuit of things unimportant.  Stimulating, gorgeous, even breathtaking, but unimportant.  Things like that suede dress.  It was in the window of a local boutique; one day in beige, two days in rust and then – the blue.  Oh. My. God.  The Blue! 

It didn’t matter that the purchase price of the blue suede dress was way out of my league. It didn’t matter that the blue suede dress was designed for a waif less than half my age.  Hey, it didn’t even matter that it would be too small for someone less than half my weight.  It called me and it called me by name.  From the supermarket, the bank, the newsagent, everywhere I went that couple of weeks, I could hear that dress calling me.

Then I met someone who also liked that dress.  Someone who could afford that dress, who had the body for that dress and had tried that dress on!  That dress was tight on my friend the waif, even in the BIGGEST size.  That dress was heavier than my friend the waif.  And that dress was hotter than hell.  Not hot as in ‘God, she looks hot!’  Hot as in sauna hot.

It wasn't long before that dress's melodious call became a dirge, and it wasn't long after that, that she stopped calling me altogether.  It was almost like she knew I had heard all about her.  I no longer coveted her sensual curves, her electric blue skin.  No, I would ignore that suede dress and focus on more important things (like world peace).  And anyway, no self respecting girl would be seen walking around in a sauna – even if it was the right price and size.